Still going down...

Everything is still going down and I'm still feeling so inevitably fucked. We spent some money on some smack this weekend and had a good time until the money ran out, of course. Yesterday was pretty miserable without any dope, so we spent most of the day sleeping, stopping momentarily at her mom's house to pick up some laundry. Today is going to be absolutely unbearable, I'm sure. I'll be surprised if I can even get some sleep tonight.

Day two without any opiates always seems to be the worst. I know people say day three is horrible, but right now I'm pent up with so much anxiety, I very much feel like dying. The anxiety is haunting. When the thing you've done linger so close in the future, over your head, you feel like exploding into peices. There's no way I'm going to get any sleep tonight. Maybe I can convince my girl to by some pot for us. At least we got the money for that, if we don't for any actually fun things. Damn, I need to ask for some money from someone. I'm sure it won't happen, though. Been borrowing way too much lately, and people are getting suspicious, I'm sure.

My one year anniversary with my girl is this week on the 27th. Let's hope I make it until then. God, I love her so much and I'm so sorry all this is going and is about to go down. I'm such a horrible fiance. I know she deserves better than me, but for some reason she is hooked on losers. Losers like me. I know I could do so much to benefit this world and society, but I choose to throw it away for a quick high and a temporary fix. I know I'm intelligent and I have potential, but I don't even come close to fulfilling it. Not even close... Yeah, I'm a waste of life and a waste of space, a waste of oxygen and a waste of organic materials. I'm a fucking waste... Too bad I can't get wasted...