Ya, so...

Ya, so I'm a junkie and I'm totally taking a bunch of drugs. I've blown like four grand easy this past month on fun things such as morphine, heroin, oxycontin, roxycontin, coke, ecstacy and so on and so forth. Most opiates, though. Wasn't always like this. My girlfriend got me started. Now she's my fiance. Dunno if I quite love her though. Say funny things when under the influences, like ,"Gee, wouldn't it be cool if we were married?" It's hard to take those things back later, though. "Oh yeah, I didn't quite mean that. You see, I was hella high."

Well, shit. I'm broke as fuck and today is one of those days where I just gotta look at my situation and say, "Well, I'll be damned. Damned straight to goddamn hell if there is one. And probably relatively soon because I should be dead, should've committed suicide or just plain old gotten shot somehow." Yeah, that's how I feel. Well, I'm the kinda person that's used to hard times, so it's not exactly driving me to knife myself. Yeah, I'm hella in debt and people are prolly gonna find out soon about me and my girlfriends hopeless drug addictions, but ya know... I don't know quite how to feel...

I don't know quite what to say and I don't know quite how to handle it. I just kinda roll with the punches, ya know? I really do. I just kinda take it as it comes, all simple-method-like and don't let any one set back blow me the fuck away. Heh. I SHOULD be blown the fuck away, though. Hah. So should be blown the fuck away. I dunno how the hell I do it. I sit patiently and wait for an opportunity to remedy a small portion of the fucked-up-edness. Sometimes I come back on top, but that's a bit uncomfortable for me, so before I know it, I back wallowing in the tremendous pile of shit that I've set aside for myself to suffer through later, because for now, I'm gonna go play in that neat little field of flowers over there, completely ignoring the lumbering junk yard of reality.